"When the winter wind blows cold upon my window, and the mood

I'm in is darker than the deep blue sea . . ."

Patty Larkin, "Winter Wind"

I just can't seem to write very easily these days, though I have tons of thoughts. My thoughts haunt me; they are the persistent headaches that pound their voice in cadence with my sadness.

I am in a funk! I am in a funk, and I do not know how to deliver myself free from this darkness. I am unmotivated, restless. I want to write -- books, poetry; learn languages, speak new tongues; love, fall in love; connect with all those from my past who I have lost along the way.

What is the source of my spinning? So complex . . .

The toughest time for me on the weekends are the moments before my baby Saskia awakes. I dread it because she wakes so early. However, the most happiest moment is when she is awake, alive and buoyant, bringing smiles and laughter.

I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world, but I still remember the world.

My mood is dark like the deep blue sea and I just want a little bit of light.