My wife and I have been through a lot in the past year, trying to make sense of it all, trying not to give up on each other, but wondering still . . .

I feel like we've come through something; seeing a little more clarity, a little more direction, seeking the help we need. Me putting my shoulder to the wheel and saying, "Let's roll." Knowing that we have so much beauty between us and sometimes we get stuck. And I get stuck because I don't see a box or I'm trying to redefine the box. And she gets stuck because she wants some of the box she's been told about, in ancient tales and silences.

Our daughter is so beautiful. She is a sensitive soul. I try to have Daddy moments with her. Just Saskia and Daddy dancing together. But if Tessin is around, Saskia reminds me what it's all about -- she doesn't want to just dance with Daddy; she wants Mommy to join us, too. All of us dancing together, like family.

Like I almost forgot.

This is about boxes. and how they can [[[confine]]]. and like how they don't like s t r e t c h very much. and how you can only take out so much from them and putonlysomuchinthembeforetheyripap
art. and how most people live in boxes and are afraid (boo!boo!i scared you) of seeing outside the sideout the touside eht edistuo or the outedis because then they are not in the box anymore and they are outside the box so . . . what? and it's scary if you see the box and you're not in it?!?! but who said that the boxbrains were right? what if there is no BOX! and you've been stuck in your imagination for too longgggggggggg, like keys pressed repeatedly. what if i told you that there is no box and i don't see any boxes and my mind is always on the roam and universe is connected to infinity and we are all scared anyway outside or inside? the? box? and we are all like god, the little g, and that's what scares us. because God, the big G, created us to b in some image of God. enter: little g. and last time i checked, we weren't doing a good job at little g talking to big G and we (are you ready to laugh? are you ready to rumble?) put God, big G, in a box and the box was too small. so it broke. and we killed God like we kill each other, but God can't die, but sometimes it can seem like God is dead or just a god because we do so many boxlike things in Gods name like blowing ourselves up and hating homosexuals (because it's fun!) or like judging everyone or just judging Amy or just hating everything or pretending that women are less than men or just thinking that we own anything. my friend says she can't be friends with me anymore because she lives in a box and her box is full and her box runneth over. and i think it's funny and dummy and saddy that she is so stuck in a box.

I bought a boxcutter today and i'm looking for some boxes. to. cut. with. myboxcut.ter.

My sense of humor.

I know my sense of humor can at times border the strange or disturbed, and though I know that, it's difficult for me to describe to people my sense of humor exactly. I mean I approach some of it in my shows, but I have to be somewhat restrained in my shows. Movies or t.v. shows can get it right away, at times. Have you ever seen the t.v. show called DEAD LIKE ME? It was cancelled some years ago. Very funny. Very offbeat. Have you seen the movie Schizopolis? Or maybe I should ask if you've experienced that movie? Some comedians hit it on the nose. Emo Philips is probably the best at this. And then the other day I picked up a t-shirt that nailed my sense of humor. It said this:

I put the FUN in FUNERAL

You either get this or you don't. If you're not laughing or if you're offended, you don't get it. If you are wiping up the spittles from your computer screen, then welcome to my brain!! I've worn it twice so far, and there are a lot of people, most people, who don't get it, and that makes it even funnier to me. I guess I'll just have to put my other shirt back on:

I live in my own little world, but it's o.k., they know me here.

I guess I would like to tell all of you: laugh. Even if you're the only one laughing -- laugh! We'll all join on this journey at some point.